It was Champions League week this week, and it’s safe to say that we had one or two exciting performances to sink our teeth into.
We had records broken and legacies created, and we were even served a timely reminder that Liverpool are actually pretty good at football. Crazy!
You know the drill, it’s time to rank the top 15 players in Europe. This week, we’re calling on the movies of 1997 for a little inspiration.
“There’s no news like bad news.” (Tomorrow Never Dies)
It was a rough week for Ibrahimovic, who drew a blank in a shock 2-0 defeat to minnows Spezia Calcio, before sitting on the bench to watch AC Milan draw with Red Star in the Europa League.
Things took an ugly turn during the Red Star game when he was targeted by ethnic-related slurs by a group of fans in the stadium, but in typical Ibrahimovic fashion, he sat there unmoved and shrugged it all off. What a guy.
“What’s your plan?”
“First, I plan to soil myself. Then I’m going to regroup and come up with a new plan. Any thoughts?” (Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery)
What took you so long?
Having spent the first part of the season soiling himself after a summer of links to Manchester United, Sancho has really started to find his groove again this season.
The Borussia Dortmund winger bagged a goal and an assist this week, and he’s slowly starting to look like the player who nearly bagged top spot in the 2019/20 Power Rankings.
“The misery! The exquisite tragedy! The Susan Hayward of it all!” (My Best Friend’s Wedding)
Having starred at the Club World Cup, Kimmich was handed a rest this week, and Bayern Munich didn’t look like the same team without him.
By the time he came off the bench, Bayern had already conceded three at the hands of Arminia Bielefeld, but they did manage to walk away with a frustrating point when all was said and done.
“I thought you were going to be the all time champ, not the all time chump.” (Hercules)
Lazio and Immobile’s hot streak came to an abrupt end this week and they were comprehensively put to the sword by Inter.
Immobile struggled during the game and was hauled off with 20 minutes to go, leaving him to watch the rest of his side’s 3-1 loss from the stands.
“Folks don’t laugh so loud when you’ve a grand in your back pocket.” (The Full Monty)
Giakoumakis might have get a grand or two in his pocket next summer if he continues scoring at this rate.
The VVV-Venlo man netted two goals and added another assist this week, so he now sits on 25 goals in just 23 games. Teams around Europe will be watching.
“The best thing you have going for you is your willingness to humiliate yourself.” (As Good As It Gets)
Ronaldo drew a blank in that game, having already underwhelmed in the 1-0 loss to Napoli earlier in the week. Not what you like to see.
“Predators don’t hunt when they’re not hungry.”
“No, only humans do.” (The Lost World: Jurassic Park)
After a few weeks without too many goals, Haaland went hunting this week.
The Norwegian cyborg bagged one against Hoffenheim before thumping Sevilla with two goals and an assist. His record – 41 goals in 42 Dortmund games – looks as mad as ever.
“Nail them while they’re vulnerable, that’s my motto.” (Good Will Hunting)
Tottenham are definitely vulnerable these days, and Gundogan definitely took advantage of that.
Two goals and an assist in a 3-0 win for Manchester City continued Gundogan’s recent dominance, although a groin injury in that game spoiled things a little bit.
“You’re a bit of a puzzlement to me these days, Wendell. You don’t seem to be your old cruel self anymore. And I had such grand plans for your future.” (L.A. Confidential)
Suarez did not look like the striker who has terrorised La Liga this week.
“What President wants to be in office when it comes crashing down around him?” (Amistad)
It’s all crashing down at Barcelona.
Being thumped 4-1 at home by PSG was hugely embarrassing, but it would have been worse had Messi not scored his penalty.
The Argentine is trying his hardest, bagging two goals and an assist in a 5-1 win over Alaves, but it’s just not enough anymore.
“AK-47. The very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherf****r in the room, accept no substitutes.” (Jackie Brown)
One more goal this week for Silva, who now sits on 18 goals from just 20 Bundesliga games.
The Frankfurt striker is now the second top scorer in Europe’s top five leagues, behind a certain someone who might feature later in this list.
“I am calm. I am heartless. I have no fear whatsoever.” (Anastasia)
Ice-cold Lukaku bagged his 300th career goal this week, earning him a place in the record books alongside some all-time greats.
His 300th strike was one of two he netted in Inter’s 3-1 win over Lazio, in which he also bagged the assist for the third goal as well. Overall, not a bad day.
“If you want something done, do it yourself!” (The Fifth Element)
Fernandes is doing his best to single-handedly drag United to success this season.
He netted his side’s equaliser against West Brom before running the show against Real Sociedad, offering up two of United’s four goals in an emphatic victory.
“I’m the king of the world!” (Titanic)
PSG’s 4-1 win over Barcelona felt like a real passing-of-the-torch moment. Messi scored a penalty, but Mbappe ran the show and banged in a hat-trick on enemy lines.
On the biggest stage, Mbappe proved he is one of football’s elite talents. The future is now.
“You idiots! You don’t get it – I’ve won! It’s over! You’re milksuckers! You don’t matter! In fact, in just a few seconds you won’t even be matter!” (Men in Black)
Had Lewandowski not scored this week, he might have lost his top spot, but he did. Of course he did.
His run of nine straight games with a goal may well have ended, but now a new streak has started. How long will this one last?