When Scott Parker isn’t managing Fulham or fronting The Streets’ tribute act, he can often be found aimlessly wandering around Regent Street, hoping to stumble into designer clothing outlets.
Unfortunately, everywhere is closed right now, so he’s instead had to resort to strapping pillows to his abdomen to fashion himself a new jacket.
Parker got what he wanted in Fulham’s trip to Anfield – attention. Oh, and three points.
And while we appreciate the effort of wanting to stand out, it raised the question – which Premier League manager actually has the best dress sense?
Inspiration: Your dad
Signature outfit: Anything from Leeds‘ club store
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 0/10
Am I going to explain what ‘drip ‘n’ garm’ rating means? No. They aren’t real words in the footballing lexicon, but just assume it’s a metric of dress sense.
Bielsa’s influence on other top managers is well noted. His influence on fashion is not.
Inspiration: Early 2010s Jurgen Klopp
Signature outfit: Skintight joggers and a club-branded cap
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 0.5/10
Hasenhuttl’s sides like to counter press, and it’s a shame that nobody has counter pressed Hasenhuttl into finding anything stylish to wear.
Inspiration: Simon Cowell
Signature outfit: Suit, no tie
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 1/10
You need to be either Zac Efron or Zendaya to pull off an outfit like this. Sadly for Dean Smith, he is neither of those people.
Inspiration: Pigeon lady from Home Alone 2
Signature outfit: All black everything
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 1.5/10
Every time we do a list on Premier League managers, I always make the Home Alone 2 joke. It never gets old.
Inspiration: Blow-up mattresses
Signature outfit: Whatever the hell that is
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 2/10
I was so sure that Wilder had been channeling his inner Tim Sherwood by wearing a gilet recently. Apparently not.
Signature outfit: A suit as grey as the skies in West Bromwich
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 2.5/10
There’s something villainous about Big Sam, but equally as charming.
Inspiration: Ken Barlow
Signature outfit: Suit and club jacket
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 3/10
Nothing fancy from Roy, and we appreciate that. He ranks at 14th, much like his Crystal Palace sides.
Inspiration: George Clooney
Signature outfit: Double jacket
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 3.5/10
Moyesy gets bonus points for being such a silver fox nowadays. Give us a bell sometime, Dave.
Inspiration: Pub bouncer
Signature outfit: Pub bouncer attire
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 4/10
Dyche is the hardest manager in the Premier League, and so while his fits aren’t necessarily stylish, they are commanding.
Inspiration: Nike mannequin
Signature outfit: Nike all over
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 4.5/10
Fortunately for Tuchel, the harsh winters of England mean he can wear a hat to hide his haircut.
Inspiration: The abominable snowman
Signature outfit: The warmest coat on Earth
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 5/10
Nuno needs that big coat to double as a sleeping bag because of how boring his Wolves side are to watch.
Inspiration: Sir Alex Ferguson
Signature outfit: Sir Alex Ferguson’s suit
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 5.5/10
Man Utd’s club suits are crisp and clean. Solskjaer even wears his to bed with him.
Inspiration: David Brent
Signature outfit: Sergio Georgini suit
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 6/10
Man, this joke really writes itself sometimes.
Inspiration: Arsene Wenger
Signature outfit: Giant jacket, hat and snood
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 6.5/10
I was shocked to find myself putting Klopp so high up this list. But since Nike have started supplying Liverpool, the German has started to look the business on the touchline.
Shame his team don’t look it.
Inspiration: The ‘randomise costume’ option on GTA V
Signature outfit: Two-tone suit
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 7/10
Didn’t like the Anfield jacket. Didn’t like his two-tone suits. But at least Parker is daring, and I’ll always give a manager credit for that.
Inspiration: Gary Barlow
Signature outfit: Overcoat used in Swedish summertimes
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 7.5/10
Expected drip ‘n’ garm rating: 10/10
Can’t knock Potter in the fashion department. Could do with his side scoring a few more goals and winning a few more games, however.
Inspiration: Jose Mourinho
Signature outfit: Jose Mourinho’s clothes
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 8/10
When Mourinho arrived on these shores in 2004, he was a real heart throb with a fashion sense that could kill.
He’s not quite at that level anymore, but his wardrobe is still good enough to break into the top four.
Inspiration: Pep Guardiola
Signature outfit: Pep’s hand-me-downs
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 8.5/10
Plus points for the turtlenecks. Minus points for the pea coats.
Signature outfit: Suit and jacket that probably costs £1bn
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 9/10
If Don Carlo is fine with a fit, I’m fine with a fit.
Inspiration: ASOS models
Signature outfit: Changes on a weekly basis
Drip ‘n’ garm rating: 9.5/10
There was only ever going to be one winner, and it’s the man who definitely tries his hardest to come top rankings like this.
You won Pep, enjoy the glory, I hope it makes you happy. Dear lord, what a sad little life, Pep…